I get a lot of angry comments on this blog from people who defend the customers in the posts despite the fact that they know the blog is fictional. To those people, I say that if I am Liza then I am also the customer, since I wrote their part of the conversation too. So thanks for sticking up for me so passionately.
Agent: Good morning, am I speaking with Miss Liza Radley?
Liza: Yeah, that’s me.
Agent: Hello Miss Radley. I’m calling from your last employer regarding the outstanding debt you owe us which amounts to £305.
Liza: Wait, what?
Agent: You took paid leave before you resigned and that money is to be paid back as the time off hadn’t been accrued.
Liza: Right. Well I don’t have it.
Agent: I see. Well we’d be happy to complete an income and expenditure form with you to assess how much you can pay us back each month.
Liza: Wow. I don’t miss this. I used to hate having to say that.
*The agent gives a polite laugh*
Liza: And I used to hate having to do that. Being polite to people who really didn’t want to speak to me.
Agent: Yeah. Well no, I mean. I do want to speak to you. I want to speak to you about the outstanding arrears of £305.
Liza: Yeah I know. Look, I’m sorry. I don’t have it.
Agent: I see. Well, if we complete an income and expenditure…
Liza: I’m never going to fill one of those out. I’m not going to be paying back that money. If I ever have to go to court or whatever, I’ll pay it the day before the court date.
*There is an awkward pause*
Liza: I’m not horrible. I know that I sound horrible saying these things but I’m not. And I know your manager is going to listen to this call and you’ll get in trouble for not getting a payment from me.
Liza: And I know it’ll be one of many instances where they’re breathing down your neck because you didn’t do the impossible.
Liza: But I’m not paying it because I hated that job and needed the holiday time to get my head together and build up the courage to go back. OK?
*I am about to hang up the phone*
Agent: So we’ll set a court date four weeks from now…