Over and Out

How do you answer the phone? Do you say “Hello?” like a normal person? Or are you one of these rude people who just answers with “Who’s this?” Or are you Mr Smith, who could never be bothered to do any army training but knows that he’d make a great soldier if the country ever needed him.

Mr Smith: 4125549?

Liza: Hello there. This is Liza calling from the bank. Am I speaking to Mr Smith?

Mr Smith: Mr John Smith, that is correct.

Liza: Hello there. I’m just calling with regards to your credit card. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?

Mr Smith: I’ve got four minutes, yes.

Liza: You’ve got four… OK great. Yes. Right, well the arrears on the account at the moment stand at five hundred pounds…

Mr Smith: … and fifty nine pence. Yes. That is correct.

Liza: OK. So was there any particular reason for the arrears, Mr Smith? Have you been off work or anything like that?

Mr Smith: I was shot in the arm.

Liza: Oh were you? That’s awful.

Mr Smith: Well, I say shot. It was one of those bb guns, you know.

Liza: Yeah. That’s still quite bad. So you’d have had to take time off work, did you?

Mr Smith: No, no. It was just a bruise, like. Well, it wasn’t a bb gun but it was one of those other… guns. You know.

Liza: Right. OK. Well..

Mr Smith: Spud guns.

Liza: Sorry?

Mr Smith: Spud guns. Lethal in the wrong hands. Can still take out an eye.

Liza: Yes. So are you able to pay anything towards the account today?

Mr Smith: Just told you. I was shot. Nasty business really, all of this.

Liza: Um… well you see the thing is…

Mr Smith: I shall contact you when the time is convenient and we can reconvene to sort out some sort of settlement that is fair to both parties. Agreed?

Liza: O…K.

Mr Smith: Goodbye!

*Mr Smith hangs up*

Liza: Over and out.

He seemed like the type of guy who would have a torch that had the light of a million candles, or perhaps a gas stove that was also a penknife.